Posted by: Helena Smalman-Smith | February 14, 2012

Day 72: How would you like your Ocean?

At the offices of The Atlantic plc, in a scene reminiscent of the one in the sequel to the Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy where a space ship containing people from certain professions crash lands on a deserted planet (Golgafrinchia, I think but I know Ed/Mel will correct me if I’m wrong) and the survivors are tasked with inventing fire – and because the professions represented included market researchers, they start with a focus group – one attendee shouts “stick it up your nose”, and the researchers earnestly ask “well, yes, should fire be designed so that it can be nasally inserted?”, the increasingly insane board of The Atlantic plc decided that because strategy consultants Brine McWhisky had pointed out that it was currently entirely production-led not market-led, they should work out what their customers actually WANT from an ocean.

As a result, the Atlantic will be delivered in various new basic forms, each with customisable elements.

First, for the most devoted, the core 16-33 age group, it will be delivered as a plain iAtlantic version, but users can choose to download all sorts of add-ons from the iShore – such as Angry Sharks, a hurricane app (only works May-October), and so on. Naturally an Atlantic Developer Edition will be made available so that more such apps can be created.

For tweenies, the next younger group of users, there will be AtlanticMyScene which will feature a range of fashionable wave-styles and detatchable sea-bottoms.

And for the very youngest users, there will be the cute My Little Atlantic, which comes in a range of colours, including turquoise, peach and purple, with glittery fish and your very own hairbrush for beach combing.

Of course, the over 33 age group has not been totally forgotten and they’ll be able to get their very own, reliable MyAtlantic from John Lewis, where they can be sure that it will be competitively priced as they are never knowingly undersailed.


Back to the plot, many thanks to all those who have been in touch today – conditions are rough, so I haven’t time to thank you all, but partcularly great to hear from some we haven’t heard form yet – Alex and Kane, thanks for your donation and delighted we’re brightening up a work day!

Linda – great messages (snow up to the BALCONY trumps Naomi’s surprising tale of ice on the Henley stretch), and so much to catch up on but well done to Catriona for passing her 11+.

The message of the day, however, goes to aspiring solo ocean rower Jean-Guy from Canada who we met out in la Gomera who said “What are you doing this weekend? Not rowing!” OK, we are likely to be rowing for the first little bit of it, but we loved this message!

Charleses – great tube station puzzles, we have got 3 out of 5 so far, we think:

Keep low-tech classroom supplied: Chalk Farm (clever)
I’m sorry I haven’t a clue: Parson’s Green
Gap comes into existence: Holborn (v. clever!)
Subcontinental: ??? something to do with East India Dock?

And finally a poem that was sent to us by Mel for Valentini’s day:

Blisters are red
Oceans are blue
I doubt you’ll get roses
So this poem’s for you.

As the sat phone will primarily have to be a piece of safety equipment on Friday and it’s important that turning it on doesn’t lead to lots of “lovely” messages when what we need is a message from Aurora or something about weather, please could you stop sending them on Thurday (it can take them a while to filter through)?

Mandy – that was a bad joke! But you’re right, we dream of the idea of washing hands in a basin/bison. My hand alcohol rub says “this is not a substitute for washing yoru hands” on the bottle. Oh yes it is out here!


  1. You must be able to smell land now. Only just over 100 miles to go – fantastic! Tom

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